Please keep in mind..

That I am only writing this to hopefully help someone out there who may be going through what I am. Know that whoever you are, my heart goes out to you. This past weekend was bitter sweet. Mike and I traveled to Las Vegas on Saturday to go to a hair show for the weekend. That Saturday just so happened to be the day I was supposed to start my period (I usually start in the morning and had not yet started but for sure felt like I was going to). As a hope... I also bought a pregnancy test just in case nothing happened by Sunday. Well, nothing. Sunday morning came around and I nervously took the pregnancy test. I was nervous because for the past 8 months all I have seen is NOT PREGNANT! Well this test was my dream come true... PREGNANT! I was so elated. I cried, told Mike, cried some more and just was in pure bliss. It was truly cloud nine. That whole day was normal pregnant feelings. I had to pee a lot, I was exhausted, a little crampy, non stop hungry, and oh so happy. I just felt so blessed to finally have what I had been praying for and had longed for. Monday started off great. We relaxed by the pool, shopped a little and then went up to the room to get ready to go to more shopping. I went to the bathroom to only discover a little blood. I wrote it off as nothing... thinking a little spotting is normal and there's nothing to worry about. Later on I started feeling sick. Really strong cramps, more bleeding and just nervous. I texted my sister hoping she would have the answer and help reassure me that everything was ok. I followed her instructions to go relax at the hotel. Now I have had some pretty bad periods in my day. Heavy, strong, and painful. I can not explain the pain I was experiencing when we went back to the hotel. To my disappointment I knew that I was having a miscarriage. I can not go about explaining the feeling of having a miscarriage. Those of you who have had one know what I am talking about but those of you who haven't, I hope you never do feel what we have felt. It is going from extreme highs to extreme lows. I felt cheated. I was eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, getting plenty of sleep, so what went wrong? The only way of really explaining it is to say it was like being heartbroken. You feel alone and abandoned. I know it's crazy to say that I was feeling this sad when I was only pregnant for 2 days but to me that was the 2 days I was finally able to be a mommy. My baby counted on me to feed it and love it and I did just that and was not able to keep it. As tears steam down my face, and I'm sure they will for a while whenever I think about these days I can only think positive. I know I am not alone. I know that my Heavenly Father is watching over me and comforting me. I know I am not the only one who has gone through this, and in some crazy way that reassures me that everything is ok. That I can survive this... even though right now I feel like giving up. I hope none of you think that I am trying to get sympathy votes here. I only hope that my story can one day comfort someone out there that is going through this. I know that this will always be a tender thing for me to speak or think about, but I will survive. I will get pregnant again, and one day i will be a mommy.